Today is the first full day of summer break for our family. It’s Friday. Everett woke with the sun, at 5:30 this morning. My Oliver, who recently turned 7 years old, slept in (and by that I mean that he didn’t get out of bed until 7:13am). Wynter ambled out to the living room before my husband left for work at 6:25 a.m. I did NOT make my son a school lunch. I did NOT check the time frequently. I did NOT make him get dressed. I did NOT watch for his bus and take him out to wait for it. Instead, I wondered, how will today go? What is the best way to handle this Friday? And I asked these things because Oliver, my sweet and precious and kind little boy, quickly spirals into anxiety and fight or flight behavior unless his day is scheduled and routine.
This past month he has been on the verge of his summer break blues. We’ve had moments that reminded me of how difficult summer break is for him. “Why does school have to end?”, he asks me with tears in his eyes. “I don’t want school to end. I don’t want summer break. I don’t like this.” And my heart breaks for him as tears stream down my own face because I know, I completely understand how difficult the unknown is for him. I ask him what he will miss the most about school, and he tells me that he will miss his classroom the most. I know part of that is the people, his teachers and his friends, but I also know that most of that is because his classroom is almost always the same. He knows what to expect. He knows what comes first, and when snack time is, and where he sits for math, and what time everyone lines up for lunch. Every day is always the same for him. Home, home is different. Home is not nearly as routine. Unexpected things happen. Instead of three teachers he has mom and sister and brother, and our behavior and decisions are not nearly as habitual. Home is safe, but it is not nearly as routine as school is.
Last year, I learned. Oh boy, did I learn. He needs to know what to expect, what to do, and he needs a plan to abide by. I have created one for us this summer. It starts on Monday, and will continue until the first day of school in August. Unexpected and unplanned things will come up, and he will have opportunities to learn to adapt to change, but he will also know that mostly his days are planned, and fun, and exciting, and routine. I’m providing this for him, not only because he needs it, but also so that we can all have an enjoyable summer. It’s not the kind of summer I had, nor the one I dreamed of giving my kids. It’s not the lazy days, with free playing all day, and random outings to the zoo or the park or the museum. It is, however, the kind of summer we need, we MUST have, and it will be exhausting for me as I become teacher, therapist, aide, in addition to mom of 3 very different amazing kids. It will also be better than last summer. And maybe, just maybe, I can teach my son that summer is not such a terrifying thing after all, but highly anticipated time of joy and happiness and spending time with his family that loves him most.
Thicket and Thorn 